Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Pondering 2014: A very general reflection

As the year comes to an end I sit in reflection of a year FULL of adventures, heartaches, joyous events, financial struggles, moments of bleakness, and moments where hope finally shone through. In all these life experiences this last year one thing remained constant! God.

He has held us through the tough times and the happy times. I am thankful for my Heavenly Father and the blessings in my life. These blessings are not riches or an easy life, but good friends and a loving family. People who I can look to in a time of need or to smack me up side the head when I start acting a fool...again!

In a later post I will list my highlights of 2014 as well in another post I will list our struggles and how we got through them or are still getting through them.

In this post however I just want to take a moment and be very general. Ha! I have grown much this year. I'm 30 years old now and I love it. I love the maturity and wisdom that is coming with each new year and experience. I have a long way to go and I tend to be very child-like in my heart. Believing the best and getting totally crushed when my eyes are opened to the unspeakable cruelty that is everyday human behavior has become commonplace in my life.

I am child-like, very different from childish, and I am not ashamed of it. The only draw back is the shock I encounter when people are cruel or unkind or lie. I've been living in the human condition for 30 years and I'm still shocked by folks.

It's a good thing, I know but it doesn't lessen the sting of disappointment. BUT the joy of having faith in humanity and watching true kindness by far outweighs the sting. I am blessed to wake up every morning anew with the expectations that today will be a good day, that today will be a day where someone shows kindness, does the right thing, sacrifices for others and serves them.

This year has taught me many things. I'll save my lessons for yet another post. I really just want to stay within the realm of sweeping generalizations.

God has taught me so much this year. There are undeniable truths that I don't necessarily forget, but that can get overshadowed by our own humanity and we must be gently and sometimes abruptly guided back to them.

So no I'll leave you to ponder your 2014 and how God has been there the whole time. Even when you think you were all alone...you weren't.

Please share you favorite verses for 2014 in the comments.

2 Corinthians 9:8 "And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work."

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.

Thank you for reading,
A Girl of Many Hats

Friday, December 12, 2014

Why Do I Wear Makeup?

Lately, I have been pondering the question whether or not I should paint my face. I have shared this with a few of my female friends to get their feedback. I have a deep desire to raise my girls to be confident and have a healthy self-esteem. I believe that this may be a path that I must venture down.

I few months back I was applying make up, which I do rarely to begin with, when I heard a small, sweet voice say, "Mommy, pretty me?" I looked down to see El extending and making grabbing gestures with her hand to receive make up and then pointing at her face. I deduced that she was asking me to make her pretty by applying make up to her already perfect face. I paused for a second as I tried to think of just the right thing to say, "No, baby. You're perfect the way God made you; without makeup." She made a pouty face and let out a "humph" to make sure I knew of her dissatisfaction with my answer and left the room. I continued to apply my makeup.

Later that day a caught a glimpse in the mirror and stood there staring at my reflection. What was I looking at? I do not believe that makeup is evil or necessarily wrong. I actually have no issues with it or if others choose to wear it. My only issues are with MY OWN intentions. Why is Lydia wearing makeup? I have never and to this very day applied make up on a daily basis. I wear it sparingly and on special occasions. The application is very light to barely there. I do love a bright red lip and the winged black eyeliner. My everyday look is no makeup at all. I feel confident in my appearance that I do not feel the need to apply makeup every morning when I wake up. I do like looking all "dolled-up" sometimes too.

Even though I have always been sporadic in my use of makeup, I must have said things to influence my toddler to believe that Makeup is what makes you pretty. So perhaps it is not makeup alone that I need to eliminate. I do not believe that I am unattractive, I do not believe that I am the most gorgeous woman in the world. BUT I do believe that I am beautiful to my Father and to my husband. That's enough for me. So wearing makeup should not be the reason my daughter thinks is where beauty comes from. It's my attitude towards it.

My stance on the matter maybe to monitor my self speech first and see if I am indeed causing confusion on the matter for my daughter. It's easy to throw blame on inanimate objects, but I'm determined to be honest with myself and others. Makeup alone does not encourage low self-esteem or the misguided idea that without it a girl is ugly. 

WHAT AM I SAYING ABOUT MYSELF, OUT LOUD, THAT WOULD PLANT THAT IDEA IN MY TODDLER'S HEAD? What am I saying about myself in my mind that would cause me to verbalize comments about my appearance that would induce such thoughts from my child?

That is the real problem here. ME. 

I'd like to hear from others on this topic. What do you believe makeup teaches our young girls and boys about beauty, self-esteem, and self-worth? Ladies, do you wear it? If no, why not? Do you believe that you need it to be attractive? 

*Please understand that I am be no means judging or shaming. My ultimate intent is always to improve myself and be the very best example to my daughters. I am merely uncertain on how to act concerning this matter and am eager to get opinions from all y'all.

God Bless,
A Girl of Many Hats

Friday, December 5, 2014

My Breaking Point with My Strong-willed Child.

Today I broke. I fought with my toddler for 2.5 hours to take a nap. She didn't nap.
I'm tired and exhausted of constantly fighting with my toddler. I keep reminding myself that I am the parent. My El is sweet, loving, kind, adventurous, fearless, and determined. For over a year I have bumped heads and locked horns with her. This power struggle has exhausted me. I've all but lost my own will. What am I doing wrong? A question I ask myself everyday, almost hourly. I am patient to a fault, or at least I was. My fuse is much shorter now after a year. I look at her and I see a big heart and a HARD HEAD! My mom tells me that I was equally tremendous and strong-willed. Payback? My mother-in-law once told me how impressed she was that I was always so calm and handled situations well with my first child. She was a easy, happy, stoic infant. Always watching and taking it all in. She would sit back and watch others, not really ever interacting with them. It was like she studied them before allowing herself to open up to them. Now that kid is outgoing and will interact with everyone! She rarely throws tantrums that are full of screaming and writhing on the floor like a possessed fish. Her tantrums are more like standoffs with some whining and turning up of her nose. I'm not sure which method irks me more.

Sleeping. Sleeping is a huge currently unresolved issue for us. She was a fantastic sleeper up until 16 months or so. She stopped sleeping. Napping is a rare occurrence. Sleeping at night is most often a two hour battle of the wills. Eventually we win, if you can even call it that, but at the expense of everyone's nerves. I have been given advise that could be compiled into a novel. I have researched late into the night for different techniques and "sleep training", which now I believe is nonsense. I'm glad it worked for you, BUT I've tried it all. NOTHING works on this kid.

I mentioned I had finally broke today. It was my first sentence...you see it up there. Yeah. Well, I called her pediatrician today. Explaining in detail our routine, how long this has been going on, all the 'training' I've been implementing, et cetera, et cetera. Her advise? Stop. Stop stressing and stop forcing naps on her. Keep with the night time routine and have quiet time during the day. I had tried this as well so trying it again isn't going to be difficult. All the things I was already doing or had done were reiterated to me; however the call was worth every bit of hearing that there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. When she finally does sleep, she SLEEPS! This means that there are no behavior or developmental issues. What a relief. Her pediatrician explained that toddlers out grow naps and as long as she does sleep there is nothing to worry about. My El is just strong-willed and is exercising her free-will.

I read this article today and found it encouraging. All the stress of trying to fit my almost 3 year old into some mold of what she should be like or doing has only caused discord between us. She is obedient and well-behaved, until she has her heart set on something, at which point her will becomes ironclad. I truly believe if I let go and become more calm and patient with her like I once was, then we should be able to weather through this storm with some grace and without me having an aneurysm!

My strong-willed child is a BLESSING. She is caring and such a great big sister. She is very worried about her baby sister's well-being and makes sure that we tend to her right away. Sure they fight over toys sometimes and El has trouble sharing. It's a learning process, this being a decent human being. If we popped out of the womb perfect and never misbehaved then why would we need a Savior?

Over the next few days I will be studying the scriptures, these versus specifically.
Psalms 127:3
Proverbs 22:6
Ephesians 6:4
Colossians 3:21
1 Peter 5:3
Titus 2:7
Proverbs 29:17

You might wonder why I did not list Proverbs 13:24 along with those other verses. Before I can expect my children to do the right thing, I must be an example of the right thing. I do not disagree with spanking, I only wish it to be the very last resort. My love for God, my daily example of kindness, patience, and mercy will speak volumes to my children. Christ loves us. He sacrified His life for all mankind! He led His life in perfect example, rebuking when needed, forgiving when needed, and when it called for it, He he got physical in Matthew 21:12-13. My actions will speak louder than "Because I said so." My children will be my delight, because I'm teaching them through my example.

My prayer tonight is that I practice the same patience God has for me on my children. I want to be the example that Christ was when He walked the earth.

Goodnight and God bless,
A Girl of Many Hats


Do you have a strong-willed child? Please share your experiences and advise. Although, I wrote that I have tried everything, I'm sure I missed some. I am a fallible human being and am careful not to pretend to be otherwise.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Why should I start blogging again?

To blog or not to blog. I have been wrestling with this blog for over three years. Since becoming pregnant with my first child. I started out with true determination and with what I thought would be interesting enough for me to keep up with & not give up or become bored with as quickly. My main hesitation has always been that I don't believe that I have anything interesting to about which to write. I've always enjoyed writing. Perhaps I don't find myself interesting enough. Why would anyone else? Why does that matter? I started this blog for me, right?
This blog was intended to be a place where I could express myself creatively, sharing my struggles and triumphs as a girl who wears many hats. Wife. Mother. Daughter. Sister. Friend. Servant. There are so many parts of who I am and sometimes they "argue" with one another as I try to succeed at this new hat of being a parent. The mom struggles with the part of me who just wants to sleep in or just sleep at all. There's also the constant struggle between the stay-at-home-homeschool-mom and the free-spirit who doesn't like or want to be 'tied down'. I have conflicting drives and desires. I know I can make it work. I just haven't figured it all out yet. This blog is suppose to be the recordings of my journey.

I created a Facebook page to promote my blog. Why? Why would a girl who is uncomfortably awkward with attention do that? 

I love helping others. My husband teases me that I am always trying to save the world. He's right. I get bent out of shape if I can't fix someone's problems. There is always the next cause with me. Whose suffering can I alleviate next?

Regardless of it all, here I am blogging once again. Will I stick with it this time? l sure hope so. I have a lot to say. l suppose I lack the conviction that what I write might actually make a difference in someone's life. Yes, that is important to me. l should not walk this earth without serving others. It just seems silly for me to go all the years of my life on this earth and not make a difference. I may not cure cancer or solve world hunger, but that shouldn't stop me from serving my neighbor or the family that lives down street that I've never met.

So, here I am starting up my blog again in hopes that I'll stick to it, but more importantly uplift others & make a difference in the world. Even if that world is just on my street. Everyone matters!