Wednesday, January 9, 2013

A Conflict of the Hats...

Tonight was one of those nights where I felt so lost. Elora was doing just fine and dandy on our way to teach my ZUMBA class. When I arrived at the clubhouse, I parked the car and proceeded to unload. Just as I begin to unfasten Elora from the carseat she has this...explosive, exorcist sit-up...hat just won't stop. It was all down the front of her. It was on the carseat straps, buckles. It had seeped down into the cover and began dripping on to the mat thingy that protected the back seat from the carseat. I stood there for a moment trying to decide whether or not to cancel class. I knew I had new students and I didn't want to disappoint of leave a poor impression. A flaky impression. So I called a friend and asked her opinion. She gave me good advise and I then called another friend whom I knew would be on her way to class. This friend, I asked her to bring me a couple towels to sop up the mess and dry off the Zumba Baby.

I waited there by the car, waiting for the towels to arrive. I began to think about how it sucks that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Here I am, trying to help and encourage other women to be fit and healthy, but also trying to be a good mother. What was the right choice. Cancelling the class and taking Elora Danan home? Staying to teach while hoping that she won't do that again in her pack'n'play? I took my friend's (a seasoned mother of 3) advise to stay and teach, but just to let them know that if it happens again I will have to cut the class short and I could credit them home the class. I know that I am a GREAT mother...but...I still have this fear that others will judge me an unfit mother for choosing to stay and teach. sigh.

I take my job seriously. I don't teach my Zumba Fitness classes for me, you know. I don't like crowds. I don't like being in front of folks. It scares the living hez out of me. Every class I am freaking out on the inside as I take the 'stage' and begin teaching. Even after 3 years! No, this is not for me. I believe deep in my heart that these women are special. That they deserve to be encouraged and helped. I care whether or not they attend a class... not for monetary reasons, but because I want to make sure that they never give up on their goals. That they never give up on themselves!

I'm sure someone out there is thinking...nanny, babysitter, daycare. No. No! I am her caregiver. However, I appreciate and am EXTREMELY grateful for all help that is given me and I love my 'village' that helps me. My baby stays with me.

Golly, I really gotta get something to eat and then go to sleep...
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